I'm part of a support group for parents who have lost their children. I've yet to be able to go to one of the support meetings but I still receive so much support from mom's and dad's who feel or have felt, what I feel. I just want to quote something from this group and a special mom named, Jill. ".....we talked about how easy it is to lose our faith when questions and doubts assail us. In the face of great loss, like we all have experienced, how do we keep from losing our faith? To me, it all comes down to holding on to what we KNOW. Last night, we discussed ten things we can KNOW to be true, regardless of the circumstances in our lives. Over the next ten days, I thought I would share them here. So, here we go. #1 -- We KNOW that God is sovereign. He is not surprised by anything that happens here on earth. Each one of us has a specific number of days to live, and this was determined by God before we were born. "My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. Psalm 139:15-16"
I recently got onto our church website www.insideoakpark.com to see if I could listen or watch some of my Father-in-law's last messages before he & Maci went to Heaven. I had remembered him preaching about the "seed we plant" and on what types of ground it fell on. So I went searching for that sermon, instead, under the Live Streaming/Video Archive tab, I found our Christmas Candle Light Service. And I watched it. Seeing my wonderful, handsome, snow-white haired, FIL greeting us with the joy of Christ's birth just made me want to jump through the screen. To hug him. To talk to him one more time.
But, then I began to listen to his words. It wasn't a typical "born in a manger stall" message. His message was definitely divine and Heaven sent....God knew I would watch that sermon again.....at just the right time. HIS time. David spoke about God's timing and how perfect it is. He even went on to say things like "even in your most horrid times, God's timing is precise, it's whats meant to be". I couldn't help but think that 1 week from that message, that the most horrid time would strike our family and we would lose him & Maci at the same time.
But I continued to watch the service, his smile, his silly jokes, his body movements, the congregation. I could see my precious Mother-n-law Christy, my husband Paul, myself, and our oldest daughter, Kelsy sitting on the front row. The lighting was so pretty and we all had candles in our hands. "Going out, and being a Light for the world". David & Christy sang with our choir director and his wife as we exited the sanctuary..... http://www.insideoakpark.com/video-archive/
Fast forward, 4 months later. FOUR MONTHS LATER......
Our family is still trying to find our "new normal", still trying to make sense of it all. Still questioning God's timing (although, I know HE makes no mistakes and for whatever reason, His timing was exactly as it should be). I find it hard to cope with the fact that the driver that hit and killed David & Maci has yet to be arrested.....but again, it will come, in God's timing.
I think about what a miracle Caleb is. How he is healing so well from such a horrific wreck and he injuries he sustained. And the same with Paul, Christy and Beth....PRAISE GOD they are still here with us.
And, of course, every single day, I think about my 3 oldest girls, Kelsy, Mekenna & Kori. What beautiful gifts they are in my life and those that know them. How they have excelled in school and been shining lights for the Lord. I couldn't be more proud of the women they have become.
God's timing has been perfect for them as well. Even when it didn't seem right for choices that they made (for those people looking in), God's timing has been consistently perfect for my girls.
Kelsy will have the honor of going to Morocco with her beloved boyfriend, Jonathan, and seeing where he grew up and spending time with his parents. What a true gift Jonathan is to Kelsy and the rest of us are blessed to have both of them in our lives. I can't wait to see what God has in store for their lives.
Mekenna will be moving home. She has grown so much at the university she is attending now but her heart is telling her she needs to be home....and I don't question that at all and especially considering what we've been through. She wants to be with her family and spend time with Kori (before she graduates high school & goes who knows where) and simply be HOME. I admire her sense of adventure and spontaneity. Of course, she misses Travis, but once again, they will be together again when God says "it's time".
Kori is has blossomed into the most gorgeous butterfly and certainly "come out of her shell". Watching her lead our praise & worship for the youth in our church just blesses not only my heart but everyone who hears her sing and worship her Creator. She's amazing at 16.....I can only imagine what awesomeness will come from her by the time she's 40!
And now, in God's timing, I will be going to Armenia on a medical missions trip. I have always been passionate about missions but it has been hard to find the time & the money to go. Well, this trip was "given" to me....at JUST THE RIGHT TIME....God's timing. It won't cost me a dime and I get to go be a nurse and care for those people, all the while, loving them with the love of Christ. I dream about Maci going with me and how SHE would love them. She loved ALL people and wanted them to know the love of God. She would work hard at learning the basics of their language (just like she did with the Spanish children in her class), she would make them smile and bring joy to everyone she would come in contact with. I plan on doing the same. God knows my heart and the love I have inside of me. This trip is a part of my healing....it's perfect timing. God's timing.